Mud or Stars?

Happiness is a Choice is the name of a book that, Barry Neil Kaufman co- wrote with his wife, Samahria. They tell the story of how their boy was diagnosed with autism before he was two years old. The doctors told them that Rahn would never recover and they should begin thinking about a special school for him. A school was totally out of the question. The Kaufman's wanted to keep their boy home but they toured several facilities to see how the teachers handled the students.They were appalled at the uncaring ways the children were treated. This made them decide to come up with their own solution.
Choosing to believe autism was not a tragedy and determined to be hopeful, they chose to not follow the current 1970s discipline trend for children with autism. Instead, they opted to work together to find a way to connect with their son. With love, acceptance and respect they began to connect with Raul by choosing to go into his world, gain his confidence and then gently lead him out of a world that kept him from communicating with others.
So for three years, Mom, Dad and his two sisters daily mirrored him. Whenever he flapped his hands, they flapped their hands, When he spun plates on the floor they did it too. When Raun noticed what they were doing, they gently tried something new with him and rewarded him with high praise. The connecting was beginning. He eventually made eye contact and began to speak. Barry and his wife, Samahria chose to bring love and happiness to their family through finding innovative ways to connect.Their young girls asked to help so their parents welcomed Rahn's two sisters in their efforts to help their brother.
At the end of three years with a few setbacks, Rahn grew into an intelligent, active little boy who excelled in school. He grew up to attend and graduate from Ivy League colleges. He then became the head of "The Autism Treatment Center of America" (sonrise@option.org) the organization his parents had co-founded.
Like Raul, children who suffer meaningful loss in their lives, live in a silent world that most adults don't understand. This new concept of loss and all the feelings that go with it is confusing. Equally confusing are the actions of their parents who seem to unaware of the trauma with which their children are dealing. With the same tools the Kaufmann's used; love, respect and responding, a parent or other caring adult can move into the grieving child's space, gain their trust, listen to their thoughts and gently help them find answers.
"Could we change our attitude, we should not only see life differently, but life itself would come to be different. Life would undergo a change of appearance because we ourselves had undergone a change of attitude."--Katherine Mansfield
When we are faced with a vision of "mud" let's choose to see stars instead. Then watch and see the positive results.

Penny Halder
penny@haldernet.com
From the time I was a little girl, I loved God and wanted to know more about him. Over the years, I made it a practice to search the Bible, learn from godly mentors and teach others what I learned. God has transformed my life, just as He said he would. He took my hard heart and transformed it with a heart of compassion. He gave me a ministry for children and families experiencing grief. It's called Grief Relief Refuge.
Grief Relief Refuge, 2016, Web page http://griefreliefrefuge.com

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