Have you Talked with Your Child Today?

By Dr. Aisha HamdanHave you had a meaningful conversation together? Do you know what your child accomplished today,how he may be feeling, whether or not he has any concerns? Does your child know that you care about him?In Islam, the ties of kinship and family are very strong and something that will always be present throughout our lifetime. There are very serious consequences for someone who decides to break these ties. Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala, says,”Then, is it to be expected of you, if you were put in authority, that you will do mischief in the land, and break your ties of kith and kin? Such are the men whom Allah has cursed for He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.” [Qur’an 47:22-23]. The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said,”Whoever severs the bonds of kinship will not enter Paradise.” (Bukhari and Muslim).A major component of our familial ties is communication. In fact, without communication there would be little connection between people. Living together in the same household with limited, or even hostile, interaction would not fit the criteria for maintaining the bonds of kinship. To develop meaningful relationships within our families we need to know how to communicate effectively and sincerely with each other. A large part of this involves skills and principles that can be learned through practice and sincereeffort. The following is a guide to strengthen these ties that bind.1) Active Listening.You may be surprised to discover that the most important aspect of effective communication is listening. This means that the listener pays full attention to the speaker and attemptsto understand what that person is saying and feeling. The listener should suspend judgment, show interest, and respect what is being said. He or she may then restate the content and feelings to demonstrate that sincerity is present. The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, always gave his full attention to anyone that he conversed with, even his enemies and those with whom he disagreed. When he addressed his companions, they listened intently and attached importance to everything he said.2) Level of Understanding.Parents should always keep in mind the age and level of understanding oftheir child and should speak with him accordingly. The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said “Speak to the people keeping in view their level of understanding. Would you like to see them think of what youtell them from Allah and His Messenger as lies?” (Bukhari) This is important so that the child will be able to comprehend what is said, the expectations of the parents will not go beyond the capacity of the child and lead to problems, and difficultieswill not be placed upon the child unnecessarily. This is particularly pertinent for sensitive issues such as death, personal modesty issues, and adult responsibilities. There are various levels of complexity with each of these and the correct level needs to be chosen for each child. One way to ascertain this is by the type of questions that a child asks.3) The Manners of a Mu’min.A believer is someone who believes in Allah’s Message and follows the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam. In relationships then, a believer would demonstrate honesty, kindness, patience, self-restraint, fairness, trustworthiness, etc. He would avoid teasing, blaming, belittling, mocking,excessive and idle talk, and fault-finding. There are many Qur’anic verses and ahadeeth that give detailed descriptions of this topic such as: “Verily, Allah is with the patient.” [2: 153], “Speak fair to the people.” [2:83], “Kind words and covering of faults are better than charity followed by injury.” [2:263], “A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim. He does not wrong him, nor insult him nor humiliate him.” (Muslim), and “The thing which will make the majority of people enter Paradise is fear of Allah and good manners.” (Tirmithi) These principles should be applied in conversations with children and teenagers as well as adults. It is probably even more important with young people because we are setting an example for them. What do we want our children to learn? We can not expect kindness and respect fromour children if we are not being kind and respectful toward them.4) Avoiding Contention.The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said, “If a man gives up contention when he is in the wrong, ahouse will be built for him within the Garden of Paradise; but if a man gives up contention, even when he is in the right, a house will be built for him in the loftiest part of the Garden.”(Termithi) The value of this advice lies in the fact that contention and disputes lead to a breakdown in the relationship, even rancor, enmity, and hostility. I have worked with many families where this has occurred and it can be very difficult to mend the wounds that have been created and to bring family membersback together. It goes without saying that it is best to completely avoid reaching this low level.Let us all work to improve our style ofcommunication and our relationships with each other. When our children feel that their parents understand them and are willing to listen to them, they will open up their hearts and trust will develop. Effective teaching and discipline cannot be implemented without a certain level of trust, understanding, and mutual respect. If you are concerned about your children in a non-Muslim environment and it is affecting the way you interact with them, the best you can do is teach and advise them, give them responsibility, trust them, and let them know that you care for them. We can then make du’a and rely upon Allah’s Grace and Assistance. This is our best weapon in a world of non-belief. May Allah help each of usto strengthen the ties that bind us together as a family and bring happiness and contentment to our homes.PRACTICAL TIPS:Set aside some time each day to talk with your child. If you have more than one child, each should have their own equal, individual time.Read books with your child about Islam that pertain to relationships with others and stories about the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, and the companions, radiallaahu anhum. These will provide you with the necessary guidelines and inspiration.Tape record one of your conversations and rate yourself or have other give you feedback. This is an effective method to determine your weak areas and to improve upon them.Obtain advice from other parents when needed, especially those who have more experience. This may savetime and avoid undue hardships andpain.

Advice to Mothers

1. Consider children a great bounty of Allah Ta’ala. Rejoice at their birth. Congratulate one another on their arrival. Welcome the children into this world with Du’aas of righteousness and blessings. Express your gratitude unto Allah Ta’ala for affording you the opportunity of nurturing a Muslim servant and also for allowing you to leave behind your worldly and religious successor. Make Du‘aa thatAllah Ta’ala makes this child an addition to the Muslim Ummah as a Da’i (inviter to Islâm) and a true servant of the Deen.2. If you don’t have any children, make Du‘â unto Allah Ta’ala for pious children just as Hadrat Zakariyya (alayhis salaam) made Du‘â . He entreated Allah Ta’ala in the following words:Rabbî Hab Lî min Ladunka Zurriyatan-Tayyibah Innaka Sam‘îud-Duâ.Trans: “O My Lord! Grant me from your side pleasant children for verily You are very attentive to the prayers (of everyone). [Maryam]3. Don’t ever be disappointed on the birth of children. Due to financial restraints or health problems or due to any other reason, vigorously refrain from fretting and fuming, from regarding the child as an encumbrance or from belittling or cursing the child.4. After the birth of the child, wash and clean him up and then call out the Azân in the right ear and Iqâmah in the left ear. There is great wisdom in ensuring that the names of Allah Ta’ala and His Rasulullah fall onto the child’s ears the moment he is born. ‘Allamah Ibnu Qayyim writes in his book Tohfatul-Wadood:“The purpose of this is to ensure that words denoting the grandeur and greatness of Allah Ta’ala falls first onto the ears of the child. The Shahâdah (attestation) that would Physically admit him into Islâm later on, the words of the same Shahâdah are being dictated to him the day he is born just as the words of the Kalimah are dictated to him when he is breathing his last. Another benefit of calling out the Azân and Iqâmah isthat Shaytân , who is just waiting to waylay a person and seeks to entangle a person with a snare of trials and tribulations from the moment he is born, flees the moment he hears the Azân . Before the beckoning of Shaytân , he is summoned to the call of Islâm and the devotion of Allah Ta’ala.”5. If possible, after the Azân and Iqâmah , get a pious man or woman to chew a piece of date or anything sweet and place it onto the palate of the child and request the pious person to make Du‘â for the child.6. Choose a suitable name for the child. Name the child after the prophets or the Sâhâbah or add the word ‘Abd to one of the names of Allah Ta’ala like ‘Abdullâh, ‘Abdur-Rahmân etc.7. If out of ignorance you kept an offensive or unpleasant name, change it with another appropriate name.8. Perform ‘Aqîqah on the seventh day. Slaughter two animals for a male and one for a female issue. However, slaughtering two animals for a male child is not necessary. Even one would suffice. Thereafter shave the child’s hair and give gold or silver equivalent to the weight of the hair in charity. (You may give cash as well.)9. On the seventh day, circumcise on the male child. However, if this is not possible by the seventh day, get it done at least before he is seven years old. Khatnah (circumcision) is an Islâmic characteristic.10. When the child starts talking, teach him the words of “Lâ ilâhâ IllAllah” first.11. Feed the child with your own milkas well. This is a right of the child over the mother. Breastfeeding is oneof the favours the Holy Qurân reminds the children about thereby emphasising the importance of showing kindness to the mother. The child naturally develops more love for the mother who breastfeeds him. Such children are generally more obedient and the mothers also have fewer complains about such children. Coupled with this, it is also the mother’s responsibility that with every drop of milk, she imparts the lesson of Tauhîd, the love of Rasulullah , the devotion to Dîn to thechild and also that she endeavours to instil this love in his heart and soul. Do not lighten your burdens and relegate your responsibility ontothe father’s shoulders but fulfil this pleasant religious obligation yourself and you will be blessed with spiritual tranquillity and joy. As far as possible, stay away from T‘awizes(amulets etc.) for the children. Instead of utilising T‘awîzes for them, teach them the Du’aas for various occasions. Recite verses of the Holy Qurân and blow on them yourself. Also inculcate in them the habit of reciting the Manzil and memorising the verses contained therein.12. Refrain from intimidating the child. The anxiety he suffers in these developing years will affect his mind and soul for the rest of his lifetime. Generally, such children are not primed to accomplish any feat of merit. Also, don’t force the child to doanything when he is hungry.13. Be particularly cautious about scolding, admonishing and rebukingthe child for every trivial matter. Instead of showing disgust towards their deficiencies, with wisdom and enthusiasm, endeavour to rear them with love and affection. Nonetheless, your conduct with them should portray that you will not tolerate anything contrary to the Sharî‘ah.14. Always treat your children with love, affection and warmth. As far as possible, attend to their needs and kindle their spirit of obedience. Avoidquestioning the child about Why? When? and Who? Avoid questions like: “Why did you do this? Don’t you have any shame? When would you learn? I don’t know what to do with you!” Instead of admonishing the child in this manner, employ a positive stance. Rub your hand over his head and very affectionately explain that this is not what should be done. Etc. etc.15. Show love and affection to the younger children. Rub your hands affectionately over their heads. Take them into your lap and love them. Your conduct with them should be one of cheerfulness and joviality. Don’t act like a stern and cruel ruler with them. Conducting yourself in this stern manner will fail to encourage any loving spirit in the hearts of the children for their parents. Also, the children will fail to develop any form of self-confidence and the harsh behaviour of their parents has an adverse effect on the natural nurturing of the child.16. Expend all your energies in providing your children with decent education and wholesome upbringing. In pursuit of this objective, don’t be the least hesitant. This is your religious obligation, a great favour unto your children and a great act of goodwill unto yourself as well.17. When the child reaches the age ofseven, teach him about the performance of Salâh. Instruct him to observe this act of ‘Ibâdat. Make the girls perform the Salâh with you and send the boys to the Musjid with their father and develop the enthusiasm for the performance of Salâh. When they turn ten and they show any shortcoming in discharging this obligation, punish them appropriately. Let your actions and statements point out to them thatyou would not tolerate any form of carelessness in the discharge of this duty.18. When they turn ten, separate theirbeds and make each one of them sleep on separate beds.19. Always keep the children clean and tidy. Be very particular about their hygiene, bathing and cleanliness. Ensure that their clothes are clean and Pâk. However, abstain from excessive grooming and vanity.Keep the girls clothing simple as well. Don’t ruin the morals of the boys by making them wear flamboyant and gaudy clothing.20. Avoid mentioning their faults in front of others. Be very cautious about putting the child to shame. At all costs, refrain from bruising his ego. Similarly, when one of them errs, don’t scold all of them. Advise the offender separately or take appropriate action against him alone.21. In front of the children, don’t reveal your despair over their failure to rectify themselves. In fact, to boost their spirits, praise them wholeheartedly even over trivial achievements. Always try to encourage them and raise their spiritof self-confidence.22. Relate to them the stories of the Prophets . Explain how they invited the non-Muslims to Islâm and what role their character played in attracting the infidels to Islâm. Also narrate to them incidents from the

Quality Time with Dad

This article presents the current relationship between a father and a child in this fast paced and time constraint society and provides many practical advises on how to improve this relationship to benefit the whole family.It has been estimated that working fathers spend about 3 minutes a day with their children.Fathers who abandon their families, fathers who rarely see their children because of divorce, and fathers who are busy and have very little or nothing to do with the raising of theirchildren are common.Dad gets up early, takes the long drive to work, gets off late, takes the long drive home, and gets home very tired. He just wants to have dinner, relax a little, and go to bed so that he can repeat the same routine the next day. Every now and then, he tells himself that he will spend more time with his children tomorrow.But Muslims aren’t like that, you say.Perhaps.How much time do you spend with your children in the day? Not just in the same house, but together — reallytogether.A popular American song by Harry Chapin tells the sad story of a boy who always tries to spend time with his father, but always finds him too busy. When the boy grows up and thefather gets older, the father always wants to spend time with his son, but his son always has other things to do.Quality time spent between a father and his children is essential for both the parent and the children. The children need to know that their father loves and cares for them, and the father needs to be careful that he doesn’t lose his relationship with his children by neglect.Tips to Improve Father-Child RelationshipThere are several ways a father can spend quality time with his children and develop a relationship with them. Even if he is extremely busy, he can probably free up enough time to do some of these things.Show your children in simple ways that you love them. Some fathers try to appeal to their children by showering them with gifts rather than giving of themselves. This may cause more harm than good. The simple example of Prophet Muhammad is much better, may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him. When his daughter Fatima (MayAllah be pleased with her) would come to him, the Prophet used to stand up, kiss her, take her hand, and give her his seat. Later in life, this personal type of affection will be much more memorable to children than receiving a gift that anyone could have given them.Tell or read yourchildren stories on some nights before bed.There are lots of excellent Islamic stories and books available that you can use, or you can make up your own. At the same time, you will be helping your children develop Islamic character. A twist on this idea is to ask your children to make up stories to tell you.Play with your children sometimes.You could play ball, color pictures, build toy houses from blocks, or do whatever they like.Let your children help you with simple tasks.Allow them to help you carry in the groceries, make dinner, or mow the yard. Children often get great joy from doing things that adults consider work.Take the family to for a picnic.Spend time with your children playing Frisbee, passing a ball, or pushing them in the swings. Your children will cherish this special timetogether as a family.Help your children with their homework.Show them that you are truly interested in their education and life by asking them what they did in school and looking at their books, projects, and assignments with them.Have at least two meals a week as a family.Use driving time with your children.Don’t just turn on the news and forget your children when they are in the car with you. Talk or joke with them, or sing Islamic songs together.Give your small children a bath sometimes.Usually, mothers bathe the children, but bath time is an excellent opportunity for fathers to be with their kids. Let them splash around and play a little more than mom does.Teach your childrento make wudu and pray with you.If at home, praying together as a family Jamat is better than praying alone. Children love to call azan. Make the youngest one the salat manager at home, taking care of prayer rugs, timing, and inviting everyone to salat.Take yourchildren to the masjid with you.This is an excellent way for you to build a relationship with them as both a father and a Muslim.Be available for your children, and letthem know that you are there for anything they want to discuss.If you are not available to talk to yourchildren, somebody else probably will be, and it may be the wrong kind of person. A good way of getting to know your children better as individuals is to take them out one at a time for eating, conversation, or some other event.Practice talking with your child, not at him.Since the father often takes the main responsibility for disciplining the children, it is very easy for fathers to merely become order-givers rather than parents and companions of their children. Spend some time listening, rather than talking.We only have one chance to be with our kids before they grow up. If we want them to love us and respect us when we are old, we have to build those relationships while they are young.Fathers usually don’t have the time todevote to their children that mothers do. But if we make the little time we have with our children quality time, we still might be able to build enduring relationships with them before it’s too late.By Ibrahim Bowers

Manners for Young Children

1. Teach children to use the right hand for eating, drinking, giving and taking. To eat and drink while sitting,and to stay, ‘Bismillah’ before eating and, ‘Alhamdulillah’ after finishing.2. Teach children hygienic etiquette, to clip fingernails and toe nails, and to wash hands before and after eating.3. Teach them how to clean themselves after using the toilet and how to keep urine off their clothes.4. Correct their mistakes kindly and privately without scolding them.5. Instruct them to listen to the Adhaan quietely and repeat the words of Adhaan after the Muadhin, then to ask Allah to exalt the mention of the Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] and supplicate the following,‘O Allah, the Rabb (Lord) of this complete invitation, and the ready prayer, grant Muhammad the means and the virtue, and raise him to a praised rank which You have promised him.’6. Assign each of them a separate bed, if possible, otherwise a separate cover. It is most preferable to have a room for girls and another for boys.7. Instruct them to remove harmful objects off the road and not to throw litter on it.8. Warn against bad company and against loitering.9. Greet children with Assalaamu alaykum at home, in school, and in public.10. Instruct children to be kind to neighbours and to be helpful to them,and avoid bothering or disturbing them.11. Instruct them to be courteous to guests and to treat them with generosity.The rule of Music and SingingIt is the duty of the educators to warn children against listening to music and singing. Allah states, ‘And of men who take idle talk to lead men away from the path of Allah without knowledge, and make fun of it. For such there will be humiliating punishment.’ (31:6)Most scholars are agreed that idle talk is nothing but singing. Ibn Mas’ood [radhiallaahu anhu] said the same. Allah also addressed Satan saying, ‘And excite whoever you can with your sound.’ (17:64)The Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘There will be from my Ummah those who will deem as lawful; fonircation, silk (for Muslim males), liquor and music.’The great scholar Mujahid and others said, ‘The sound of Satan is music and singing.’Singing of TodayMost, if not all, of the singing today talks about love, voluptuous desires, kissing and details of a woman’s body and other sexual connotations, things that excite the youth and incitethem to establish illicit relations.The best way to combat the habit of listening to music is reading the Qur’aan and the rememberance of Allah, and reading the Seerah or the biography of the Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam].Obedience to ParentsIf you want to attain success in both worlds, then you should apply the following advice:1. Speak politely to your parents and humble yourself before them and be kind to them, and never scold them nor express a word of disgust to them.2. Obey your parents as long as no disobedience to Allah is involved.3. Never frown at them, nor give theman angry look.4. Honour them and guard their reputation and their property. Never take anything from them without permission.5. Do what pleases them, and help them out even without their asking for your help.6. Consult them in your own affairs, and apologise to them if you fail to do so.7. Respond to them quickly and with a smile and when they call you.8. Treat with courtesy your parents’ friends and relatives during their life and life after their death.9. Never argue with them, nor blame them and if they err, show them politely their error.10. Never speak to them with loud voice, and listen politely to them.11. Help around the house, and offer help to your father at his work.12. Do not travel without their permission, and if you do, keep in touch with them.13. Never enter their bedroom before knocking and receiving permission to enter.14. Never offend them by any bad habit that you may have.15. Never start eating before they do.16. Never give your wife or children priority over them. Seek their pleasure, for doing so secures the pleasure of Allah.17. Do not sit on a place higher than theirs.18. If you maintain them, never be niggardly towards them. The way you treat them, your children will treat you.19. The most deserving of your kindness is your mother, then your father, and know that Jannah lies under the feet of mothers.20. Never be disobedient to your parents, for this is the case of misery in both worlds.21. Ask your parents to supplicate in your favour, because Allah responds to their Du’aa for you or against you.22. Supplicate frequently for them, and ask Allah’s forgiveness for them.23. Never cause anyone to curse them. The Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] explained this by saying, ‘When a man curses another, the other would curse the man’s father. So beware of this horrible sin.’24. Remember whatever good deeds you do or accomplish, your parents will benefit from it after their death. And remember too that the Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘You and your property belong to your father’.Guidelines for Raising ChildrenAbdul Rahman Abdullah Manderolla[Source: Madrasa In’aamiyyah]

Nurturing Children

There is great need to devote special attention to the nurturing of children.How will the nurturing of children take place? By establishing friendship! Establish friendship with one’s children. You are in search of friends? What need is there for this! If Allah ta`ala has granted you four sons, realise that your sons are your friends. Establish friendship with your children. Harshness and severity will not work. Keep your relationship with the wife a pleasant and wholesome one. Remember that the better the relationship between husband and wife the better the effectupon the children, the loftier the results with reference to the nurturing of one’s children. If one has the experience, by analysing children, one will be able to determine the relationship between husband and wife.If one has opportunity to spends timewith one’s family occupied in permissible activities one should do so. Such permissible activities will be the precursors, the means to Ibaadah, to worship. Such permissible activities become a fortress against forbidden acts, against the disobedience to Allah Ta`ala. Occasionally go on an outingwith one’s family. Go to some appropriate location together while at other times be together at home. On a weekend get involved in cooking and preparing, pack a picnicbasket and go out. My paternal grandfather, Allah grant him Maghfirat, used to take me at a very early age to the Majaalis of the Mashaaikh. This was during the period of British rule. In fact I was so young that I used to be in his lap in the Majaalis of the Mashaaikh. Shukr, gratitude is due to Alaah Ta`ala that those Majaalis are imprinted on the mind . The hearts of children are like blank sheets of white paper. Whatever is written thereon will indelibly remain imprinted thereon.My Hadhrat (rahmatullahi alai) used to say, “Consider sleeping children tobe awake. If one wants to discuss something, go elsewhere and do so. Do not do so in the presence of sleeping children. Consider sleeping children to be awake. It should not bethat some statement or action of yours becomes imprinted on that white paper.My beloved brothers! These are a fewofferings by this helpless traveller. The gist of the matter, the essence of advice is that one should be fully involved in the nurturing and upbringing of one’s children. Then and then only will one procure peace and serenity in the true sense of the word. Otherwise, if these very children become a means of one being tested, if they become the currency of tribulation your lives will become wretched. We beseech Allah Ta`ala to grant us correct understanding and insight, to grant us Taufeeq, the ability and ease to enact the correct upbringing and nurturing of our children.Source: Right Islam

The Reward for Good Husbands & Fathers

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious Most MercifulAllah says in the Glorious Qur’an:“And live with [them] in a beautiful manner. If you are then displeased with them, [then know] perhaps you dislike something which Allah has created abundant goodness in it (al-Qur’an 4:19 ).The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:The believer with the most perfect faith is the one who has best character and the one who is kindest to his wife (Sahih Muslim).The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:The believer should not harbor hatred towards his wife. If he dislikessomething in her, then surely he will be pleased with another quality in her (Sahih Muslim).Shaykh Asharaf Ali Thanwi said, commenting on the above verse:“Brothers! when Allah has ordained these rights for women, then who canchange them.If a man fails to fulfill these rights, he will be guilty of not upholding the rights of the creation. Man should ponder over how Allah has interceded on behalf of women in the above verse.While there may be many reasons forbeing displeased with one’s wife, the main reason is usually bad character—this becomes a source of grief for the husband.Nevertheless, Allah has promised that even this bad character can become a means of attaining goodness—for He is All-wise and capable of doing anything. For example, she could bear you childrenwho become the means of your salvation come qiyamah. Just ponder over how clearly the rights of women are emphasized in the above Qur’anic verse.”The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:The best of you is the one best to his wife. I am the best among you to his wife (Tirmidhi, Darimi).‘A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) relates that a desert Arab came to the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) and remarked:“Do you kiss your children, for we do not?” The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) replied, “What can I do if Allah has taken mercy out of your heart?” (Sahih al-Bukhari and Muslim)Anas (Allah be pleased with him) relates that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:“Whoever brings up and nurtures two young girls until they reach maturity will appear on the Day of Judgment in a state that he and I will be like this (and he joined his fingers together).” [(Sahih Muslim)]It is easy to gauge from here how Islam has granted so many incentives upon actions necessary for the upkeep of society.The Spiritual Care of One’s FamilyFurthermore, just as it is necessary and rewarding to see to the physical and monetary needs of one’s family it is even more important and rewarding to see to their spiritual (ruhani) development.Allah says in the Glorious Qur’an:“O people of faith, save yourself and your families from the Hellfire.” (al-Qur’an66:6)Likewise, the rewards for a women are also many if she interacts well with her husband.The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said in a hadith narrated by Umm Salama (Allah be pleased with him):“Any woman who dies with her husband pleased with her shall enterParadise .” (Sunan al-Tirmidhi)The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said in a hadith narrated by Anas radhiyallahu anhu:“If a women performs her five prayers, fasts the month of Ramadan,protects herself from immorality, andis obedient to her husband, she will enter into Paradise from any door she desires.” (Hilya)It is greatly rewarding to treat all the creation of Allah with gentleness andkindness. This reward (along with the responsibility) only increases when their is kinship and closeness. This makes the person into a complete believer, and he is rewarded in this life and the Hereafter.Much of the above information was gleaned from Ashraf’s Advice on Marriage available from www.al-rashad.com and the Mishkat al-Masabih, the great hadith collection by ‘Allama Tabrizi in Arabic.This is just a sample of what rich heritage we have been left by our pious predecessors. Other marriage books and relevant chapters in hadith works like the Riyad al-Salihin (translated) and the al-Adab al-Mufrad by Imam Bukhari(translated) can be consulted for more information.WassalamAbdurrahman ibn Yusuf

10 Principles for the Upbringing of Children

1. Teach by example, because children listen with their eyes.2. Introduce Allah to your child: His glory, obedience to Him over obedience to anyone else, asking only from Him, Importance of theFaraa’idh.3. Introduce Rasoolullah (S) to your child: His life & times, following hisSunnahin everything in life, his Message, and his Work:Da’wah.4. Systematic education of Islam parallel with regular education: 4-5 hours/week; Arabic language,Tajweed,Qira’ah ul-Qur’an,Aqeedah,Hadith,Fiqh,Seerah.5. Manners:Akhlaaq. Attention to detail about all aspects of behavior reinforced by your own behavior. You have to practice what you preach.6.Concern for others: Self centered: Family members, environment, servants, strangers, road users, neighbors, shop keepers: Sensitive orsenseless?7. Physical fitness: Mothers stop pampering. Regular sports, especially team sports, nutrition, no junk food.8. Scheduling time: Wake & Sleep early, TV, DailyMuhasiba, diary writing.9.Responsibility: School projects, commons, home, neighborhood,10. Drive for excellence in everything: Being No.1. Winning is a habit. So is losing. Focus on quality. Be a Standard Bearer of Islam.Source:At-Talib

Halal Diet and Pregnancy

We are what we eat. Today we complain our children are disobedient towards us, but why the surprise? If we feed our childrenharam(even while in the womb) then the thoughts that will be bred in their minds (later in life) will beharam.Understand well,halalfoods breedhalalthoughts andhalalactions whilstharamfood breedsharamthoughts andharamactions.Shaykh Ashraf Ali Thanwi narrates, ‘If before birth of the child, parents were to reform themselves and adoptpiety, then there is no reason why the child born too should not be pious. The actions of parents during pregnancy have a profound effect on the unborn child. Accordingly, the son of a saint was quite mischievous. Somebody queried the saint; ‘It is indeed strange; you are sopious yet your son so naughty?’ The saint replied, ‘ One evening I was invited to meals by a rich person (whose income was doubtful). After eating, my nafs became excited and I made love to my wife who became pregnant. This child is the effect of the doubtful food.’Therefore, during pregnancy (especially) it is of the utmost importance to eat a variedhalaldiet brought fromhalalincome. If in doubt regarding ingredients, leave it out.Source: Ashrafs Blessings of Marriage published by Ashrafs Amanat

The Virtues of Pregnancy

After some time has elapsed, the couple desire that Allah Taa’la bless them with a child and thus through marital consummation Allah Taa’la grants their wish. The first stage that follows is that of pregnancy. A person should not be ashamed of being pregnant or treat it as a big burden, as there are many beautiful virtues and rewards for being pregnant.Virtues for being PregnantRasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “The woman that dies in her virginity or during her pregnancy or at the time of birth or thereafter (in nifaas) will attain the rank of a martyr.”It is mentioned in another Hadith thatRasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Does it not please you (O Women!) that when you conceive from your husbands while he is pleased with you then that woman will receive such reward equal to that of a fasting person in the path of Allah and spending the night in ibaadat. When her labour pains commence the inhabitants of the earth and the sky are unaware of the stores of comfort that are prepared for her. When she delivers and breast feeds her child then she will be granted a reward for every gulp of milk, and if she had to remainawake during the night for the sake of her child, she will receive the reward of emancipating seventy slaves in the path of Allah. O Salaamat! Do you know who these women are? They are pious, upright, delicately natured but yet are obedient to their husbands and not ungrateful to them.”Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “A woman from her pregnancy till the time of weaning her child is like one protecting the boundaries of the Islamic state. If shepasses away during this period she attains the reward of martyrdom.”In another Hadith it is mentioned that, “The woman who dies of labour pains is regarded as a martyr (shaheedah).”A woman should therefore gladly bear these difficulties patiently and calmly as she will be highly rewarded.Hazrat Mail bin Yasaar (radiyallahu anhu) narrates that Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Marry such women who are loving and produce children (in abundance)because (on the day of Qiyaamah) I will vie with other Ummats and be proud of your numbers.”In another Hadith Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Even the miscarried foetus will drag its mother towards Jannat if she exercised patience with the hope of acquiring reward.”Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “When the woman breast feeds then on every gulp of milk the child receives, the reward is as though she has granted life to a being and when she weans her child, then the angels pat her on her back saying: CONGRATULATIONS! all yourpast sins have been forgiven, now start all over again.”[By sins is intended the minor sins, this is also a great reward.]Source:Beautiful Islam

The Blessing of being Pregnant

Once a woman has confirmed her pregnancy, she should express her gratitude before Allah Ta’ala as this is indeed a great bounty of Allah Ta’ala. This is such a boon that many people beseech Allah Ta’ala throughout their lives for pious children but Allah Ta’ala has destined otherwise. In fact one of the greatest Nabîes of Allah Ta’ala, Prophet Ibrahim (Alayhis salaam) used to supplicate to Allah Ta’ala most profoundly and frequently. Even Hadrat Zakariyya (Alayhis salaam) used to supplicate for children most passionately and fervently during the latter part of his life.Hence, a Muslim woman is required to express her gratitude unto Allah Ta’ala for this great bounty. Gratitude may be expressed in the following ways:1. Recite the following Du’aa very frequently:Allahummâ Lakal Hamdû Wa Lakash-ShukruTranslation: O Allah! All praises are due to You alone and I express my gratitude unto You alone (for granting me the honour of motherhood).2. Allocate a fixed time for two Rak‘aat of Nafl Salaat. Whilst in Sajdah, make Du‘aa abundantly. Recite the following Du’aa as well:Rabbi Hab Liy Min-Ladunka Zurriyatan-Tayyibah Innaka Sam‘iud-Du’aaTranslation: O my Lord! Bless me from your side with pure children. Verily You are all-hearing of the Du’aa.3. Recite the following Du’aa as well:Rabbi-j‘alniy Muqeema-Salaati wa min Zurriyatiy Rabbanaa wa Taqabbal Du’aaTranslation: O my Lord! Render me as well as my progeny as establishers of Salâh and accept our Du’aas.4. Similarly, express your gratitude from the heart in such a manner that you stay happy and try to stay happy at all times. Try to forget all your pastsorrows. Build your dreams and keep your hopes and spirits high. Ponder over the bounties of Jannat.Instead of embroiling yourself in the daily disputes with the mother-in-law and sisters-in law and instead of involving yourself with the unbecoming behaviour of your husband, maintain strict silence. On the impending happiness of the birth of your child, maintain a friendly andtrouble-free relationship with all. If you do tend to hurt anyone, apologise immediately and try to forget about the dispute. If you continue vexing others, the evil effects of this nature will fall on the unborn child as well. The conditions of the mother during pregnancy, in fact even her spirit and perceptions during this state has a profound effect on the unborn child.Hence, a Muslim woman should express gratitude at all times especially during the period of her pregnancy. This gratitude should in turn develop in her the love of Allah Ta’ala. She should ponder that since Allah Ta’ala has blessed us with so many bounties, we should also devote ourselves to Him. To disobey such a majestic benefactor – by strutting about veil-less, watching television, videos, backbiting etc. – atany time and especially during pregnancy is not acceptable. Allah Ta’ala showers His bounties upon usand we in turn disobey Him!?The first month of pregnancyRemember that you are not a single entity now. Now a child is being nourished within your own body. With a bit of precaution on your part, this child may become healthy, intelligent, understanding, pious andreligious. However, with your negligence and indifference, the childmay turn out to be weak, sickly and incompetent.Hence, your life should not be the same as it was before you fell pregnant. Every moment should be passed with caution and concern over the well-being of yourself as well your child. Therefore, pay careful attention to the following points:1. Be careful with your diet. Chew your food thoroughly before swallowing. Avoid over-eating and abstain from food that can cause constipation.2. Eat green, fresh vegetables, like salads, cucumbers etc. in abundance. Make sure that they are clean and washed before use.3. Drink lots of sour-milk and milk. Drink as much milk as your digestive system can handle. Milk is a very blessed form of nutrition. After consuming other types of food, Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) would utter:Allahummâ At‘imnâ Khayran-MinhuTranslation: O Allah! Grant us food better than this (in Jannat).However, milk is of such a blessed nature that there is no food better than milk since after drinking milk Rasûlullâh recited the following Du’aa:Allahummâ Bârik Lanâ Fîhî wa ZidnâMinhuTranslation: O Allah! Bless us in this and increase it for us.In other words, whilst drinking milk, Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) did not ask for somethingbetter (as he did in the case of other foods), because there is no better food than milk. This is why he beseeched Allah Ta’ala for Barkat (blessing) and increase in it.In short, a pregnant woman should drink lots of milk because Allah Ta’ala has placed the vitamins and proteins required by the human bodyin milk.If pure or raw milk is detrimental to you, consume it in other forms like Lassî (curds), sour-milk, custard, Khîr etc. This is beneficial to the mother as well as the child.4. Abstain from tea, coffee, Pân (betel leaf), oil, Ghee, chillies and oily foods. Besides affecting the digestive system, these foods are detrimental to the muscles and nervous system ofthe mother and may also affect the child.5. Ensure that you refrain from all types of medication during pregnancy especially pain-relievers. If you are really desperate, consult a reliable female (or male) doctor explaining your pregnancy and conditions to her. It should not be such that you are prescribed medication that is injurious to pregnant women. Some medication clearly states on the label that it is not advisable for pregnant women. Hence, if you are really desperate to use some medication, make sure you scrutinize the label and make thorough investigation before use.6. In the first three months and the last month, in fact from the seventh month onwards, avoid sexual contact with your husband. This at times, adversely affects the mother and the child.7. Avoid sleeping late. Try to get at least eight hours of peaceful sleep. This will ensure that your body and mind is well rested. This in turn is beneficial for the child as well and it may simplify delivery of the child.8. Avoid excessively hard work and picking up very heavy objects as this may lead to a miscarriage. If your cruel mother-in-law or hard-hearted sister-in-law compels you to pick up heavy objects or forcesyou to carry out some difficult task, then excuse yourself very politely andexplain to them that this task is beyond you and that you will pay a labourer to carry out this task.However, if your cruel mother-in-lawor hard-hearted sister-in-law fails to take pity on your condition, explain your helplessness to your husband and with his permission, goto your mother’s house to rest. If you are a sister-in-law to another woman (your brother’s wife), don’t be cruel to her as well. The moment she falls pregnant, try to make her comfortable and relaxed at all times. Your benevolence won’t be directed to your sister-in-law alone but you will be showing mercy to a sinless child, a priceless gem, a blossoming flower, the coolness of your brother’seyes, a luminance of this worldly life and a source of perpetual reward for the hereafter. The degree of happiness and comfort of your sister-in-law or daughter-in-law will, Inshâ Allah Ta’ala, determine the well-being, health, robustness and happiness of the new arrival.Source: alinaamCourtesy:www.everymuslim.net

The Bond of Holy Love

An extract from Az-Zaujus Salih (The Pious Husband) by Mujlisul Ulama of South AfricaThe Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said:“The noblest of you are those who are the noblest to their families…”“Verily, among the most perfect Believers in Iman are those who are best in character and kindest to their wives.”Even lifting a morsel of food to the mouth of the wife has been given the significance of ibadat. It is an act of love by which the husband derives thawab (reward in the Hereafter).It was part of the Uswah Hasanah (Noble character) of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم to engage in light hearted talk with his wives. Hadhrat Abu Hurairah رضى الله تعالى عنه said:Allah loves a man who caresses his wife. Both of them are awarded thawab because of this loving attitude and their rizq (earning) is increased.”A man is rewarded for even a drink ofwater he presents to his wife. According to the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم the mercy of Allah Ta’ala cascades on a couple when the husband glances at his wife with love and pleasure and she returns his glance with love and pleasure.When a husband clasps the hand of his wife with love their sins fall from the gaps between their clasped fingers. Even mutual love between husband and wives serve as a kaffara (expiation) for sins. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said:“When a man enters his home cheerfully, Allah creates, as a result of his happy attitude, an angel who engages in istighfar (prayers of forgiveness) on behalf of the man until the day of Qiyamah.”May Allah give us the ability to act upon the above, ameen.Al-Mar’atus Salihah (The Pious Wife)is also published by Mujlisul Ulama, both books can be found in the English language and have been described asthe islamic prescriptionfor a happy and successful marriage,the blessings and rewards of which extend into even the Hereafter.

Why do You Always go Crying to Your Mum?

By Mufti Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf MangeraIn the name of Allah, the Inspirer of truth.In life, it is quite natural that things don’t always necessarily go the way we want them to. Life is full of difficulties, challenges and obstacles. What defines whether a person will be successful in this life is the knowledge of how to deal with these problems in a correct and wise way. This is what our religion teaches us – belief in Allah and the firm acceptance that He is our Lord and Sustainer helps us to rise above our self-centred natures as we have a higher authority to invoke, to please, to seek support from and from whom we receive rewards in this life and the next. A believer’s trust in Allah makes him understand that despite all the apparent negativities that may surround him at any point in his life, if he continues to do the right thing in the right way, that is according todeen, then Allah will help him and guide him towards a better end, as Allah is the Wise, the All-knowing.Complaining about our spousesMany of us may have witnessed within our own family or elsewhere amarried couple experiencing problems with each other – a few months into the marriage when the romantic period, where everything seemed to smell of roses, is gone, the defects of the spouse begin to become apparent. Each begins to seeshortcomings in the other that they hadn’t noticed thus far and may evenbegin to regret having married his/her partner. So the first thing theydo, particularly so for women, is that they call their mother. Mothers will quite naturally be partial to their ownson or daughter. This is the reality and mothers are not to be blamed forthat, it’s just the way they are (and may Allah bless them for it as the positive aspect of this is truly beneficial for us). Even supposedly ‘tough’ fathers are sometimes guilty of this favouritism too!In a related story, it is mentioned that there was a woman who called her mother every single time she had a problem with her husband. While hermother would normally listen to her complaints and both would engage in a back-biting session, on one occasion the woman was surprised to hear a different answer from her mother. She asked her: “Have you prayed to Allah first to resolve your matter?”The daughter was very surprised as her mother had never asked anything like this before. She continued: “Look my girl. I love you a lot, but I think it’s unfair for us to keeptalking about your husband like this.” The daughter was dumbstruck.She was completely caught by surprise by the response, because this was the same mother who had always listened attentively to her andsupported her, who would suggest retorts to the husband and who had blindly taken her side in every situation. Surprising as it may have been to the daughter, the mother had become aware of the fact that supporting her daughter in back-biting the son-in-law was not helping the situation in any way. The mother then explained: “You and your husband have a very special relationship, which I don’t have with your husband. Whatever happens between the two of you, it’s much easier for you to resolve it amongst yourselves, to overlook and to be patient and forgive each other. I’m looking at the situation as a third party, with emotional attachments to you alone and not to him, so I don’t want you to call me anymore about this problem.” The words of the mother hit home and the daughter understood that it was her own responsibility to deal with her issues.Soon Allah most High gave her the wisdom to approach them herself and the problems were soon resolved between husband and wife. This mother had some wisdom in what she said to her daughter. Many parents are not like this and will continue to carelessly engage in back-biting to support their children.If our parents speak ill of our spouses, even if they are perfect for us, we will also inevitably begin to think ill of them. Although it is very difficult, we must be able to politely tell our parents that what they expect and what we expect from our spouses may not be the same thing and that nothing more needs to be said.Emotional blackmailAnother common problem between spouses that can be extremely detrimental for relationships is the concept of ‘emotional blackmail’. When tensions rise, the husband can be quick to say,“I’ll divorce you!” andthe wife may be even quicker to respond, “Give me a divorce then! If you don’t like me, why don’t you really do it?” Although in most cases they don’t really mean what they are saying at all, but are simply in a stateof heightened emotion and getting carried away, spouses may say things like this to each other. In someextreme cases, these sorts of outbursts even lead to actual divorces, despite the fact that they didn’t really mean any of it when the argument started. We must understand that the words we utter from our mouths can have a significant impact on our lives, whether we consider them seriously or not. So important an issue is the impact of words that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) used to change the names of people who had names carrying bad meanings, replacing them with pleasant ones. On one such occasionhe came across a man who was calledHazn, meaning ‘the aggrievedone’, and so changed his name toSahl, meaning ‘easy-going’.Just as names and the words we utter have an impact on us, so too must we realise that if we keep saying bad things to each other, whether we actually mean them or not, then Shaytan will seize that opportunity to create discord between two people, especially spouses. Sometimes people are simply not in the right state of mind to consider things calmly: the husband may have had a rough day at work, struggled through terrible traffic and when he arrives home he may be stressed, hungry, tired and frustrated. Similarly, the wife may have had a particularly tiring day at home, with the children playing up orjust feeling the mental drain of no adult company all day. So in those moments it is especially important toreflect on how we should greet each other, what we say to each other and the way we say it as well.Fostering LoveWe must be able to admit that we all make mistakes and sometimes behave with each other in ways we shouldn’t. But even when we realise that we have made a mistake in our behaviour, our arrogance keeps us from going to our partner and sayingsalaam, from making peace. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “The one who says salaam first, is free from arrogance” (Bayhaqi). This arrogance is the very thing that keeps us from reconciling – we carry a false notion that if we admit our own fault, our spouse will always try to take advantage over us.In reality, admitting the mistake to the wife or husband will most likely make love increase. The practice of admitting mistakes and reconciling with our partner will increase the probability that they will also return the favour when a mistake is made by him or her. Saying kind words, bringing gifts, being the first one to saysalaam, asking about how each other’s days have been and overall trying to make the other understand that we really care; these are the things that ‘score points’ with our spouse. We have to make an active effort to do these kinds of things and we must be aware of what our spouses need. Men and women are not the same and will appreciate different things. Women may feel cared for through gifts while a man presented with the same gift would find it an insult to his manhood! A man may simply crave his wife’s womanly attention and care. At the end of the day, the more points a couple can score with each other the happier and more romantic their relationship will be.Many men think that as soon as children arrive they become more important than their wives. In the example of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) and the Companions, the focus of love is on the relationship between spouses, not between parents and children. The parent-child relationship shouldbe more focussed ontarbiya, that is bringing up children with sound moral and social values. Researchers are now saying that the wife should have more priority in the eyes of her husband than t

Nurturing Marital Love

Since marital love is prone to sickness and even death, it is imperative for couples to constantly work to revitalize and preserve it.Husbands and wives must do the following:1. They have to get in the habit of saying things that are positive, like offering compliments and like making little prayers for each other.A husband could say to his wife: “If I were sent back to the days of my youth, I would not choose for a wife anyone besides you.” Of course, the wife can easily say something similar to her husband.Affectionate words have an effect, especially on women. They have, indeed, often been the weapons used by unscrupulous men to gain access to what is not theirs.Sweet words arouse a woman’s heart. A husband should take care to say them to his wife before someone else does.2. Husbands and wives have to get into the habit of doing those little things that mean so much.If a man comes home to find his wife asleep, he can cover her and tuck her into bed.A husband can give his wife a call from work just to say hello and to let her know that he is thinking about her.If a wife finds that her husband has fallen asleep, she can give him a littlekiss on the forehead, even if she thinks that he will not be aware of it. Indeed, on some level his senses are working even though he is asleep and he may very well be aware of it.The Prophet (peace be upon him) emphasized the value of these little things, “…even the morsel of food thatyou place in your wife’s mouth…” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]It may very well be that the Prophet (peace be upon him) was alluding to the expenditure of a man for his wife’s needs. Nonetheless, the Prophet (peace be upon him) chose to express it in the way he did for a reason. Most importantly, this is the way the Prophet peace be upon him) conducted himself with his family.This type of behavior is governed by the tastes of the people involved. It may take some getting used to, but it really does not take a lot of effort.A person who is not accustomed to such things may feel embarrassed just hearing about them and may prefer to leave matters the way they are rather than try to change his behavior and do things that he mightsee as ridiculous.Still, we must be willing introduce new habits into our lives if we do not want our problems to go on forever.3. The husband and wife must set aside time to talk to each other.They should talk about the past; reminisceabout the good times. Talking about them keeps them fresh in our minds as if they had happened only yesterday. They should talk about thefuture and share their hopes and their plans. They should also talk about the present, both the good and bad of it, and discuss different ways to solve their problems.4. Keeping close physical contact is good for the relationship.This is not just for times of intimacy, but at all times, like when sitting in the lounge or walking down the street. This is regardless of the fact that there are still men in our society who are ashamed to have people see them walking in public with their wives at their sides.5. Emotional support should be guaranteed whenever it is required.When the wife is pregnant or on her monthly period, she may need her husband to lend her a little moral support. He should take her mental state into consideration. Medical experts attest to the fact that when women go through pregnancy, menstruation, or postpartum bleeding, they suffer from psychological stress that can aversely affect their behavior. It is at times like these that a woman needs her husband’s support. She needs him to let her know how much she means to him and how much he needs her in his life.Likewise, the husband might fall ill orcome under a lot of difficulties. The wife must take these things into consideration. If people want their relationship to last, they must let each other feel that support.6. There have to be some material expressions of love.Gifts should be given, sometimes without there beingany occasion for it, since a pleasant surprise is always welcome. A good gift is one that expresses feelings of affection. It does not have to be expensive, but it has to be appropriate for the other’s tastes andpersonality; something that will be cherished.7. The husband and wife have to learn how to be more tolerant of eachother and overlook one another’s shortcomings.It should become a habit to forget about the little mistakes of daily life and not even bring them up. Silence in these trivialities is a sign of noble character.A woman said to Aishah: “When my husband comes home, he becomes like a cat. When he goes out, he becomes like a lion. He does not ask about what might have happened.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]Ibn Hajar explains her words as follows:They might mean that he is very generous and tolerant. He does no make a big fuss about what goes missing of his wealth. If he brings something for the house, he dies not enquire about it later on. He does not make an issue of the shortcomings that he might see at home but insteadis clement and tolerant.It is wrong to go overboard in considering the faults of others but when it comes to ourselves, keep a running account of all our good qualities.There is a tradition that goes: “One ofyou sees the dust in his brother’s eyes and forgets about the dirt in his own.”8. A husband and wife must come to an understanding when it comes to matters of mutual concern, like the raising of children, work, travel, expenses, and problems that might pose a threat to the marital relationship.9. Husbands and wives need to do things to liven up their relationship.Each one of them can read a book or listen to a cassette that might give them some ideas on how they can revitalize their marital life and bring more meaning to it. They can vary their habits when it comes to relaxing together, dining, taking refreshments, decorating their home, and in relating to each other both openly and intimately. These are the things that keep up the excitement and interest in a relationship.10. The relationship must be protected from negative influences that can harm it.One of the worst of these is the habit of comparing one’s spouse to others. Many men tend to compare their wives to those of other men. Some even compare them with the faces they see in magazines and on television. Women also compare their husbands with other women’s husbands in things like wealth, looks, and how many times he takes her out. All of this makes people feel bad and insufficient and it can ruin the marital relationship.If we must compare ourselves to others, we should do so with those who have less going for them than ourselves. Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said: “Look towards those who are beneath you and do not look towards those who are above you. This is better so that you do not belittle Allah’s blessings.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]We must accustom ourselves to living in the real world and to findingcontentment in what Allah has decreed for us. We should not look longingly at what others have been given. Whatever little that we have will be a lot if we utilize it well.It is quite possible that many who speak about their marital bliss and go on boasting about their husbandsand wives are untruthful in what theysay. They just like to brag.The grass often does seem greener on the other side, but only because we are not looking at it up close.By Salmaan ibn Fahd al-‘Awdah

After Divorce

Whilst divorce may release one from oppression, it is used as a door for a different oppression by some.It requires true piety & great character to fulfil one another’s rights after divorce.Trying to show who is more powerful, who was right or being bitter about how the marriage ended,spreading rumour & insult results in great loss & silent suffering of the perpetrators & at times the innocent children.Children take to all sorts of regretful habits because of their inability to deal with warring parents in any other way.Mufti Ismail Menk

Recipe for a Successful Marriage

“Our Lord! Grant that our spouses and our offspring be a comfort to oureyes, and give us the grace to lead those who are conscious of You” (Furqaan 74).Q: Every human being by nature has an instinct to dispute. This instinct becomes more manifest between the husband and wife, thus leading to marital disputes. How can this instinct be controlled?A. Consider the following ten points to control the instinct of dispute and maintain a happy marriage.1. Fear Allah: It was the noble practice of Nabi salallahu alayhi wasallam to conscientise the spouses about the fear for Allah before performing aNikahby reciting the verses (Nisa v14, Ahzab v69, Aali-Imraan v101) from the Quraan. All the verses are common in the message of Taqwa (fear of Allah). The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner. There canbe no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.2. Never be angry at the same time: Anger is the root cause for all maritaldisputes. One Sahabi came to Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam and sought some advice. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam replied, control your anger. The same advice was rendered three times. (Mishkaat pg.433; HM Saeed)3. If one has to win an argument, let itbe the other: Nabi salallahu alayhi wasallam said: “Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the centre of Jannah. (Ibid pg.412)4. Never shout at each other unless the house is on fire: Luqman (AS) while offering advice to his son said:” and lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey”. (Surah Luqman v19)5. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly: Rasulullah salallahu alayhiwasallam said, ‘A Mu’ min is a mirror for a Mu’min.’ (Abu Dawud vol.2 pg.325; Imdadiyah) Advise with dignity and silently.6. Never bring up mistakes of the past: Nabi salallahu alayhi wasallam said: “Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyaamah.” (Mishkaat pg.429; HM Saeed)7. Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner:Nabi salallahu alayhi wasallam confirmed the advice of Salman to Abu-Darda [RA] for neglecting his wife. “Verily there is a right of your wife over you.” (Nasai Hadith2391)8. Never sleep with an argument unsettled: Abu Bakr radiallahu anhu resolved his dispute with his wife over-feeding the guests before going to bed. (Bukhari Hadith 602)9. At least, once everyday, express your gratitude to your partner: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.’ (Abu Dawud pg.662; Karachi)10. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘All the sons of Aadam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.’ (Tirmidhi Hadith 2499)by Mufti Ebrahim Desa

Keep the Spark of Love Alive

As the days come to closer to one’s marriage, excitement, ecstasy and elation pump through the bride and groom. The build up to marriage is an experience of thrill and jubilation.When the marriage is solemnised, one’s happiness and delight is on theverge of brimming and tipping over. When the newlywed couple meet for the first time, words cannot describe the sweetness of the bliss, serenity, pleasure and elation tasted by the two.If every day of the marriage can mirror the first day of marriage, and every night reflect the first night of marriage, then the marriage will be aeuphoric experience on this world.The gentleness, passion, love, tenderness displayed on the first day and night of the marriage should be portrayed throughout one’s life.The first couple of months are always a ‘honeymoon’. Once the couple settle down, then reality begins. Many couples fail at this point. The husband gets engrossed in his job. He comes home tired and late, feeling hungry and tired. He demands for the food and feels lazy to do anything. He eats, puts the dirty plates in the sink and lies down on the sofa. He might awaken to perform salāh if he is conscious of salāh. Otherwise, he wakes up later on towards the night, phones a few friends, watches TV and keeps ordering the wife to get him x and y. When it is time to sleep, the husband if he is feeling in a good mood he willhave relations with his wife-but only to satisfy his needs. Once he is fulfilled, he stops and drops off to sleep. Whether the wife is satisfied or not does not even cross his mind. This becomes the routine of his life.The wife on the other hand, she initially tries to please her husband. She slowly loses her enthusiasm as she does not receive enough attention from her husband. She cooks to please her husband. She will put effort into her food. She will try and perfect every detail in the food. The presentation, ingredients and spices are put meticulously so they complement each other. After a while she begins to tire from this as the husband does not comment or hecriticises her food. As soon as the husband goes to work, she is on the phone to her associates. She cooks, watches TV, cleans the house and enjoys her day before her husband comes home. Once the husband comes, she becomes a slave again.This style of marriage where there is no affection shown, no real emotion transmitted from one party to the other is heading towards destruction.The husband needs to implement the romance the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam displayed. We consider Romeo to be romantic but not the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam. If I was to say the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was the most romantic individual, I would not be lying. Looking attentively to the biography of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam, you will find that he was extending a great deal of respect to his wives and was displaying high attention, care and love toward them.He was the best example for the ideal manners toward the wife. He was comforting for his wives, wiping theirtears, respecting their emotions, hearing their words, caring for their complaints, alleviating their sadness, going in picnics with them, racing with them, bearing their abandonment, discussing matters with them, keeping their dignity, supporting them in emergencies, declaring his love to them and was very happy with such love.The husband and wife have to bond with one another psychologically, physically and spiritually. Here are some attractive examples and points we need to adopt to achieve a marriage of romance:1. Know their feelingsThe Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was telling Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha : “I know well when you are pleased or angry with me. Aisha replied: How you know that? He said: When you are pleased with me you swear by saying “By the God of Mohammad” but when you are angry you swear by saying “By the God of Ibrahim”. She said: You are right, I don’t mention your name.”[i]The husband and wife should be aware of each other’s feelings. The husband should be able to gauge when his wife is upset or sad, likewise the wife should be able to read her husband’s behaviour. By being conscious of one another’s feelings, it will help in resolving any differences. When your spouse is down or upset, be there to console him/her. Sit with them, speak with them, listen to them. Try and make them smile. If the husband is always conscious of his wife’s feelings, and the wife is always conscious of the husband’s feelings, then this will assist greatly in keeping the ‘flicker’ alight.2. Console herSayyidah Safiyah radiallahu anha was on a journey with the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam. She was late so the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam received her while she wascrying. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam wiped her tears with his own hands and tried his utmost to calm her down. [ii]This is another feature a marriage must have. Each spouse has to be there for the other in the good and bad times. The wife should find comfort and solace in the husband and the husband should find warmthand love in his wife. Be gentle with one another.3. Laying in the wife’s lapThe Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would recline in the lap of our beloved mother Sayyidah Aisha radaillahu anha even in the state when she would be menstruating. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would recite the Qur῾ān whilst reclining in his wife’s lap.[iii]How many times have we rested in the lap of our spouse? These gestures may seem trivial but they are the acts which bring the hearts close. The wife can sense and see the love of her husband for her in such actions. Every so often come home and just go and rest in the lap of yourwife. She will appreciate this gesture greatly.4. Combing the spouse’s hair:Aisha radiallahu anha would comb the hair of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam and wash his hair.This is how close a couple has to be. Love evolves and grows to such an extent that a spouse yearns to do everything for the other spouse even if it simply combing their hair. To maintain a high intensity of love, do the little things for your spouse also. Little acts have a huge psychological impact on the mind of the spouse. Seldom comb their hair, take their clothes out to wear, bring them a cold drink on a hot day, prepare something for them etc.5. Drinking and eating from one place:Aisha radiallahu anha would drink from a cup. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would take this cup and search for the place where the lips of his beloved wife made contact. Upon finding the place where his wife drank from the cup, hewould put his lips on the very same place so that his lips have touched the place where her lips touched. He would then drink the contents of the cup at the same time enjoying with his spouse. When there was meat to eat, Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha would take a bite. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would take the meat from her hand and again place his mouth the very same place where his wife ate from. This would add taste of love to his food.[iv]Do things together with your wife. Donot just eat at the same time and on the same tablecloth, but eat from the same plate. Let alone the same plate, eat together from the same article of food. This will bond the hearts so close to one another. When everything your wife comes into contact with becomes more beloved to you than food itself, imagine the flame of love in your lives?6. Kissing: –The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would kiss his wife regularly. Even when he salallahu alaihi wasallam would be fasting, hewould kiss his wife.[v]Compliment your spouse often with kisses. When exiting the house, make it habit you leave by coming into contact with your spouse. When returning home, along with saying salām to her, show that you have missed her dearly.When she is working or busy in her household chores, surprise her with a kiss. You have to show your love. Love is the fuel of marriage; if you desire your marriage to progress, you have to express your love in every way you can.Physical relations in a marriage are very important. The famous saying is, “actions speak louder than words.” Show your spouse you lo

Happy Husband and Wife

19th century Ottoman scholar Bediuzzaman writes:Happy the husband who sees the wife’s firm religion and follows her, and himself becomes pious in order not to lose his companion of eternal life.Happy the wife who sees her husband’s firmness in religion and becomes pious so as not to lose her eternal friend.Alas for the man who becomes dissolute, which will lose him for ever that righteous woman.Alas for the woman who does not follow her pious husband and loses her eternal blessed friend.And a thousand woes on the unhappy husband and wife who imitate each other in sin and vice, helping one another to enter Hell-fire!Jazakallah to ‘Seeker’ for leaving this quote as a comment on the postCharacteristics of a Pious Husband.

Lovesickness

By no means is love a sickness in andof itself. Indeed, it is the only known cure for many of the problems and ailments that we as human beings suffer from. However, love can turn into an illness if it becomes obsessive, if it goes beyond its properbounds, or if the object of love is not worthy. When such a situation develops, love indeed becomes a sickness requiring a remedy.It is Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa)’s order in the world that hesends down to it no affliction withoutsending down with it its cure. Love is no exception.The treatment of this illness is as follows:1. As with all diseases, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.This is why we must lower our gazes and resist taking a second glance at a member of the opposite sex who attracts us. Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) says: “Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their chastity. That will make for greater purity for them, and Allah is acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their chastity…” (Surah al-Noor: 30-31)We can see how Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) first issues the command to believing men, then repeats the command for believing women, thus emphasizing the importance of lowering our gazes. The fact that Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) addresses members of each sex individually shows just howimportant and relevant this matter is to people of both sexes. Indeed, these Verses are one of the few occasions where Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) addresses men and women separately in the Quraan.The look is the beginning that can lead to progressively greater ills. This is why Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) mentions it first, and then follows it up with the command for us to guard our chastity.A poet long ago observed:A glance, a smile, a friendly hello,Some chatting, a date, then off they go!If some of us find it difficult to carry out this command, they should write these verses down on a sheet of paper and hang them on their wall orplace them on the dashboard – whatever it takes to remind them.2. Thinking about the consequences is often a sobering dose of medicine.The ability to think about the far-reaching consequences of our actions is one of the distinctive qualities that set humanity apart from other animals. This is why a person just does not go ahead and do everything that tickles his fancy. He first has to think about what is behind it and what will come of it.For instance, he might pause to think,before embarking upon a certain course of action, that if he does so, hemight succumb to AIDS. He might reflect upon how that dreaded disease has already claimed tens of millions of lives, how some of those who were careful – who chose only one sexual partner who even had an AIDS test – nevertheless came down with the disease.How many people like that do we hear about, some of whom come out and admit that the disease befell them as a punishment from Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa), and hoping that it might at least expiate for their sin?The same can be said for all the othersexually transmitted diseases. The worst thing of all is to think that an indiscreet man can infect his pious, faithful, and chaste wife with one of these vile diseases.Another consequence to think about is pregnancy. A man who had repented for his sins once admitted to me that he had intentionally chosen to involve himself with a woman who was sterile. Regardless, Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) wanted her to fall pregnant and she did.We should not be heedless of the consequences of our actions. Does anyone want to be responsible for someone coming into this world withno idea who his father is; someone who starts out life already disadvantaged?Maybe one of us will pay the price forhis misdeed in this world. Maybe he will get away with it here, going through life unrepentant and unscathed, only to be humiliated for it before the eyes of all on the Day of Judgment.Some of the evil consequences of thisbehavior are psychological in nature. A man, once enamored of women, gets to the point that he can never be satisfied. He eternally craves variety and no degree of beauty is enough. Because of this, he may find himself eternally forbidden the lawful pleasure to be found within marriage. His senses and his sentiments have all been dulled.Some young men travel abroad and spend their time in the company of prostitutes and other women of ill repute, but if one of them were ever to hear that his wife back home so much as looked at another man indiscreetly, he would divorce her on the spot.One man lamented: “I would forsake all the women of the world for the sake of one woman whom I knew would get worried if I came home at night a little bit late.” This is the sentiment of any man who possesseswisdom.3. The communion of lawful love is the best cure of all.All of the stories of love that we find in our literature – whether it be that of Jamîl and Buthaynah, Kuthayyir and ‘Azzah, Qays and Laylâ, or for that matter their English equivalent Romeo and Juliet – deal with the anguish of unrequited love.Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) has placed in what is lawful all that we need so we can dispense with what He has made unlawful. It provides the most fulfilling, satisfying, and deepest expression of love.The Prophet (SallAllaho alaihe wa sallam) said: “We see for those who are in love nothing better than marriage.” (Sunan Ibne Maajah, 1847 and Mustadrak Haakim, 2724 with a good chain of transmission)Lawful matrimony is what brings healing to the heart and removes its disquiet. If it is not written for a certain man and women to come together in matrimony, each of them should have faith that there are manyothers out there with whom Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) can enrich them with a meaningful and loving relationship.4. Resignation and a willingness to forsake what is wrong.No matter how painful it may be to part, it is sometimes necessary. The Prophet (SallAllaho alaihe wa sallam) said: “Whoever maintains his chastity, does so with the grace ofAllah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa). Whoever finds self-sufficiency does so with what Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) has enriched him. Whoever is patient draws his fortitude from Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa). And no one has been given a gift better or more bountiful than patience.” (Bukhari 1469 and Muslim 1053)Whoever gives something up for Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa)’s sake should know that Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) will give him in its substitute something far better.5. Channeling one’s energies and abilities into what is nobler, more precious, and sublime – the love of Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa)We express this love by bringing benefit to His creatures, by our obedience to Him, by our Salaah (prayers), our Saum (fasts), our Zikr (remembrance of Him), our Du’aas (supplications), and our Tawaadhu’ (humility). We do so by keeping the company of righteous people and by aspiring to the noblest and most beneficial of goals.We should channel our energies into what benefits us in our worldly lives and in our faith. Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) says: “Seek Allah’s help with patience and perseverance.It is indeed difficult except upon those who are humble.” (Surah al-Baqarah: 45)He says: “Whoever puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is Allah for him.” (Surah al-Talaaq: 3)A heart that is full of concern for others will be a heart that is full of love – but not a slave to love. It is an empty heart that falls stricken for anyvisitor who graces its doorstep.We should take full advantage of our lives and be as productive as possible. We need to develop our talents, our minds, and put our creativity into practice. Yes! Be enamored – but be enamored of truth and knowledge. Be fully in love – but be in love with righteousness.Source:RightIslam

For Ever After…

By Khalid BaigIn all societies and at all times marriage has been considered an occssion for great joy. The word most used with “wedding” is “celebration.” In fiction, which reflects our inner desires, they “lived happily ever after.” Obviously seeking success in marriage has been a pre-occupation of all societies.Today in the U.S. — a society as advanced as human endeavour alone without Divine Guidance can make it — the average length of “ever after” is about seven years. That is the average period a new marriage lasts today. But even this period is not entirely a period of happiness. Asthe Surgeon General report indicateda few years ago, home had become the most dangerous place for the American woman. The leading causeof injuries to them is beatings by husbands and boy friends.Obviously Science and the Age of Reason have not exactly delivered thehappiest homes on earth. The secret to marital bliss eludes the Western civilization, although arrogance and conceit keep it from admitting fundamental flaws and looking elsewhere for solutions. Otherwise it would have found the solution in Islam.Islamic prescription for success in married life is based on taqwa, fear and consciousness of Allah. Taqwa — the basis for all aspects of Islamic life — is especialy relevant to the household. That is why Sura Nisa, where many commands regarding rights and responsibilities of spouses are given, begins with repeated reminders of taqwa.A hadith explains why. It descrbes a scene from the court of Iblis (Devil) where his assistants are reporting their achievements but he is not pleased. Then comes an assistant and says: “I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and his wife.” The Devil embraces him in joy saying“Well done.”To fight the Devil, one needs Allah’s help and it comes with taqwa, that is living with the awareness that Allah is watching us and will hold us accountable for our actions. A direct and far reaching consequence of thisawareness is that a fight for rights is replaced by a concern for responsibilities. One’s rights are other’s responsibilities. A Muslim husband and wife will be concerned with discharging their duties toward each other. Not a very atractive prospect for those itching to start a fight for rights. But it provides for a home that is a model of peace, love and harmony.Islam emphasises organization and discipline, the five daily congregational prayers being a good reminder of that concern. If twoMuslims travel together, they are required to choose one as the leader. Quite naturally the principle extends to the home as well, and husband is the head of the household. He is responsible for handling all outside affairs and providing finances, protection, and over all direction. The wife is his assistant in the home, responsible for taking care of the home and the children. A very famous hadith explains it: “Everyone of you is in charge and everyone will be accountable for those given in their charge. The man is in charge of the household and the woman is in charge of the home and the children.” [Bukhari]. This hierarchy of authority and responsibility is key to the stability and proper functioning of the society.Authority does carry risk of misuse. The solution does not lie in eliminating authority but in including suitable protections against the possible abuse. On the legal level this is achieved by delineating the boundaries of this authority. The basic ground rule in the Islamic society is that no one can ever ask for anything againt the Shariah. But that is not it. Actually a wife’s legal obligation is very limited. In fact her only legal obligation is to stay in the home of her husband. She is not legally bound even to cook food, much less serve the parents or other relatives of her husband. The delicate balance between the legal and the moral here is very illuminating. On the moral plane she is expected to take care of household chores, but this is to be taken as a favor by the husband.Too many husbands take these services for granted. Realizing this necessary function as kindness would call for greater kindness in return. And a heavy emphasis on kindness keeps the husband’s authority in check: “The best of you are those who are best in dealing with their wives and I am the best in dealing with my wives.” [Tirmidhi].A problem may still arise between thehusband and wife. No two human beings can always meet the expectations of the other. Human beings are niether perfect nor perfectly matched. What is a husband to do if he sees something in his wife that he does not like? Unless the issue of concern is an unacceptable behaviour according to Shariah — in which case he shoulduse appropriate pursuasion to change it — the husband is asked to ignore the negative and focus on the positive. “No believing man should totally detest a believing woman [who is his wife]. If he dislikes something in her, there would be something else in her that he would like.” [Muslim].Most problems in domestic life beginas minor incidents that become magnified by taking exactly the opposite approach. On the other hand even the most trying moments in marital relations can be overcome by following this one piece of Prophetic advice.Easier said than done? Well, what protects us from succumbing to our anger or frustrations in trying real life situations is taqwa and rememberance of Allah. He has morepower over us than we have over those given in our charge. We remember His authority and seek His mercy. The success of our married life depends upon His mercy and not on our power or ability to fight or manipulate. This search for His mercy brings the best in ourselves. As one hadith says: “When a husband and wife look at each other with love, Allah looks at both of them with mercy.” And that is the real secret to the marital bliss!Critics will point out the many domestic problems in Muslim societies today similar to [but on a smaller scale than] the problems in the West. True. But that should not blind us to the key difference betweenthe two. The problems in the West area result of the value system adopted by it; those in Muslim homes result from deviating from their values. Oneis suffering by taking the wrong medicine, the other for failing to take the right one.Source:Al Balagh

Nikah

The society that one lives in has a direct effect on one’s life. Hence everyperson desires for and strives to build a healthy society. Among the aspects that form the bedrock of a healthy society is the institution of Nikah. By means of Nikah one finds solace and comfort which enables one to fulfil one’s duties to Allah Ta’ala. It also provides a lawful avenue to fulfil a basic in-born need. A pure human race flourishes as a result of the bond of Nikah, while countless social evils are dispelled by it. Take away the institution of Nikah and in a short time the society will sink to such depths of moral degradation which are unimaginable.The West has to a great extent abandoned the customary marriage and adopted in its place the “living together” concept. When the partnersdo not feel like “living together” anymore, they just say “good bye” and part company. The result of this is glaring for all the world to see. Abortion, thousands of illegitimate children, AIDS, teenage pregnancies and suicide are just a few of the many direct consequences of abandoning the bond of marriage.Least ExpenseThus the importance of Nikah can never be over emphasised. In the light of what has been mentioned it ismuch easier to grasp the true implications of the words of Rasulullah who said: “Verily the Nikah which is blessed with the greatest amount of Barakah (blessings) is that Nikah wherein the least expense is incurred.” By stressing the aspect of incurring the least expenditure, Rasulullah paved the way for the Nikah to be easily affordable for the rich and poor alike. When this advice is not heeded,Nikah becomes a costly affair. It becomes a big worry and a huge burden. The very rich will afford it, the middle class will resort to loans (even on interest) in order to make it, while the poor will only dream about it. The matter does not end there. Those who cannot afford it and abstain are prone to becoming victims of the social evils mentioned above and thus every level of society is affected.WastageHowever this Sunnah and Ibadah of Nikah has in many cases become just a Kuffaar style wedding. The greatest expense is incurred. Every effort is made to keep up with the trend. To start off with, thousands of rands are wasted on absolutely futilewedding cards (which, as time goes, become more fashionable and expensive in order to impress). The most impressionable and expensive venues are booked. Much more wealth, which is purely a gift and bounty from Allah Ta’ala, is squandered on hiring floral arrangements and other fancy accessories. The “stage” (for the wedding show) is then made up at considerable cost. The wastage list goes on, with many new shocking items being added on. Such weddings are actually setting the stage to destroy all Barakah from the Nikah. The Barakah is totally lost, while the great impression which one sets out to make is also seldom achieved. After having filled their bellies, people generally leave commenting on the wastage and discussing the flaws and defects.Sophisticated BeggingWhile on the one hand thousands of rands are wasted on futile aspects, atthe same time some novel ideas havebeen invented to extract “gifts” from others. Invitations are sent out (with or without the knowledge of the bride-to-be) towards a “bridal shower” which takes place a few days before the wedding. The unwritten rule is that the invited person must come with a gift for the bride. It is unthinkable to attend without bringing a gift along. This subtle way of extracting gifts tantamount to a sophisticated form of begging. People are being invited to “please come along,” and with it goes the unwritten rule, the object of the invitation – “and don’t forget the present!” This is in direct conflict with the Hadith wherein it is mentioned: “The wealth of a Muslim is not permissible except when he gives it whole-heartedly (without coercion or obligation).” Thus it is time to break away from these alien customs and practices which destroythe Barakah from the Nikah.FoundationThe Nikah is the foundation of the building that has to be erected upon it – the building of a lifelong marriage. If this foundation is absolutely weakened and deprived ofthe Barakah from Allah Ta’ala, how much hope can one then have of the building remaining firmly erect on such a weak foundation?SolutionThe only solution then is to return to the Sunnah – by adopting the guidance of Rasulullah and the Sahaaba . Far from inviting the world, many of the Sahaaba were married while Rasulullah was present in Madinatul Munawwara without Rasulullah being aware of the Nikah. Neither did they deem it necessary that he should be informed, nor did Rasulullah take exception to this attitude. The Nikah in that era was an extremely simple affair. The least cost was incurred. The greatest amount of Barakah was attained. This is the example that we have to keep as an ideal in front of us. Then every attempt should be made to follow it as closely as possible.Shackles VS Natural FreedomMay Allah Ta’ala grant us the intelligence and ability to release ourselves from the heavy and burdensome shackles of baseless customs. May He enable us to adopt the wonderful Sunnah so that we may earn His pleasure while at the same time enjoy the numerous benefits of the Sunnah, among whichare its absolute ease, elegant simplicity and natural freedom.Source:www.classicalislamgroup.com