“After four years of living it up, I feel as if I’ve got it out of my system. I’ve always known that my years at university would be a fixed time in which I would be able to live my life the way I wanted to, but after doing what I thought I wanted, I realise that what my parents have planned for my future is not so bad.”Unfortunately, not all young Muslimsfind it so easy to forgo their new life.For Faribah Khan (23), a graduate of Bath University, her education, and all that has come with it, has been a major source of tension with her parents.“The only reason my parents allowedme to go to university was because they hadn’t found a suitable man for me, and an education was a respectable second best to marriage,” she says.“I was excited about university and getting away from home. It was my chance to escape.”Although her family moved from Iranto the UK when she was three, Faribah’s parents have made sure she would never forget her roots.“We speak Farsi and Iranian food is always on the table. Going home is like travelling from the UK to the Middle East.”“The religion goes hand in hand withthe culture. I was brought up to fast during Ramadan, celebrate festivals and have an innate belief in the principles of Islam.”In a bid to break free, Faribah appliedto universities such as Birmingham and Leeds, where she believed she would be able to live independently from her parents.“But they refused to let me live away from home and insisted I should go to the local university in Bath.”“I resented that – just as I resented the fact that I had no choice in what I studied. It had to be science as it was ‘respectable’.”Despite having to live in the family home, Faribah still managed to enjoysome of the student life on offer. And her parents’ worst nightmare came true when she fell in love with a British boy.“Robert and I dated for the whole time I was studying, but I knew there was no real future to our relationship. He wasn’t a Muslim so my parents would never have accepted him.”“I kept him a secret. I would lie and say I was staying at a friend’s house so I could spend the night with him inhis student digs.”“He hated the lying and the fact he could never meet my family. It made our relationship seem wrong, bad, dirty even.”For devout Muslims, this really is the crux of the matter. How can a womancall herself a Muslim and behave in away that contravenes the laws laid down by Islam?But having been brought up in Britain, most of these girls find no contradiction in taking a couple of years off from tradition to enjoy whatall their friends are doing.And ironically, these women are only experiencing what their brothers have been doing for years.“It’s almost an accepted rite of passage that men go to university and live it up before returning home to settle down with a good Muslim girl,” says Amina (30) from London.“One guy I know has had a succession of girlfriends throughout his time at university. He’s living withone of them now but admits he’d never marry any of them.”Faribah also knew her freedom and relationship had a shelf life. “I cried for a month when my university course ended,” she confesses. “I was convinced I’d be married off within a year to a suitable Iranian man.”That day still hasn’t arrived. Now, nearly three years after leaving university, she is still living with her parents, but is also working in publicrelations.‘They think I’m still a virgin but if theyever knew, they would either ostracise me or marry me off to the first potential suitor, like they did with my sister, Leila.”“She married young. She knows about my life and has the same wishes as me. But she has to keep herviews hidden from her husband. She’s content because he is a good man. But I don’t want to be content; I want to be happy.”Not surprisingly, many Muslim women students find it incredibly hard to lead this double life. In the case of Malaysian- born Faria (21), astudent at Sheffield University, her freedom came with overwhelming guilt.“In my country, unmarried men and women are not allowed to be alone together. If caught, you can be jailed or fined,” she says.“But because I was on my own, I felt I could enjoy a Western life. I dated and eventually slept with a boy I met here.”For a while, she enjoyed her new-found openness. But soon, she was overcome by feelings of guilt and paranoia.“I felt anxious throughout our relationship and had to lie to my parents and tell them I spent all my time studying.”“Then finally, last year, I had a nervous breakdown. I couldn’t cope with my double life any more. I regrethaving a sexual relationship. I can’t wait to finish my studies and go backto my country to make a fresh start.”“If anyone in Malaysia discovered the truth, my life wouldn’t be worth living.”But though they have had very differing experiences there is one thing Sofia, Faribah and Faria agree on: they all expect to have an arranged marriage and are insistent they will keep their wild-child days secret from their husbands.As Faribah says: “I know people will find it hard to understand that after living a free life I am willing to acceptan arranged marriage, but ultimately, my family is all I have.”
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